Hmmm. I saved a draft of this post, and now it has disappeared. Hmmmmmmmmm.
Let's see if I can remember. My animosity was directed toward HJN279 for multiple reasons. Passing a line of traffic on the right in an approaching construction area and then cutting me off as I was braking for the car in front of me. I guess I shouldn't follow at a safe distance, which is referred to in the list of jokes below about Baton Rouge drivers.
Second offense of HJN279: He had "Starfleet Academy" across his back window. Nothing wrong with a Trekkie ... Right.
Third offense: The chrome "Jesus Fish" on his trunk, identifying him as a Christian. I find it offensive that someone identifies himself as a Christian, as if he has something on the rest of us Christians (I'm Catholic, which probably doesn't count to HJN279), especially when he acts like a non-Christian jerk on the road. But, then, Jesus did tell the story about Good Samaritan, who actually was a much better person than those identifiable Jews who passed up the man on the road who needed help. I guess I can take solace in that.
Other sightings: NFU944 (remembered using a mnemonic that I choose not to share.) She did nothing wrong, but I remembered the license plate.
W847610, honoroable mention behind HJN279, for turning right on red, crossing into the inside lane, and then going about 10 mph below the speed limit. He represents many of his kind. And irony of ironies, he was driving a pickup truck.
And now for the driving rules of BR, supplied by my brother-in-law:
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Batt'n Roodge.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Baton Rouge has its own version of traffic rules . . . Hold on.....and pray.
3. All directions start with, "Get on I-10"...which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear-ended.
7. Hoo Shoo Too Road can only be pronounced by a native.
8. Construction on I-12 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unfamiliar sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we are in Denham Springs!"
10. If you actually see someone with their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs have the right of way.
12. Lots of streets mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.
13. If asking directions downtown, you keep your window rolled up and write your questions on a piece of paper.
14. A trip across town will take a minimum of an hour.
15. Don't carry money, jewelry, family, etc. on Plank Road.
16. The wrought iron on windows downtown isn't ornamental.
17. If you leave one car length for every 10 MPH speed between you and the car in front of you, somebody will cut in.
18. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading."
19. For directions sake, you must know the difference between the "New" bridge & the "Old" bridge as also you should know the difference between the "New" mall and the "Old" mall.
And finally,
20. Anyone trying to get within 5 miles of the LSU campus on the day of an LSU Football game either does not live in Baton Rouge or has lost their mind.